AARP magazine has asked for contributions of how people have experienced forgiveness, so I am going to share one of the most amazing examples of forgiveness in action I have ever been blessed to experience, even though second-hand.
My dear friend, Rosita Perez, one of the most talented and loved professional speakers of all time and a member of the Speaker Hall of Fame, named “Speaker of the Year” by the National Management Association, as well as a Cavett Award Winner, the highest honor the speaking profession bestows, has graciously lived with MS for many years. In the last few years, as she has no longer been able to walk on her own, she has “retired” from the stage. However, she will never retire from the place she has in the hearts of so many in her lifetime role of encourager and teacher of other speakers. Hundreds of us can remember clearly the many paged, typewritten letters of her positive and loving critiques of our video demo tapes and books and how she always sat in the front row when she came to hear us speak, sending affirming thoughts and encouraging nods as we performed our art.
Recently, the MS caused her to fall at home and she broke her hip. After four days of hospitalization and a long stay at an extended care rehab facility, she was, at last, getting ready to come home. A few days before her discharge, a nurse was lifting her from her wheelchair to the commode and DROPPED her on the ceramic tile floor, badly injuring her other leg.
Immediately, the hospital swung into defense mode, and Rosie admits that her first thoughts were those of anger and, “How could this have happened to me?” She says that no one even came into her room for about an hour after that. There seemed to be a lot of fear about what she might do. They didn’t know that Rosie feels strongly about not becoming part of our litigious society.
Within a few hours she requested to have the nurse who had dropped her come to her room. Of course she came, cowering and fearful, deeply concerned about a lawsuit. Rosita asked her to take both her hands and look into her eyes. She said she wanted to pray with her because she was hurting and scared, and she wanted the nurse to know that she knew it was an accident and she forgave her and she wanted her to forgive herself. She said, “I know accidents happen. They have happened because of me, too. I want you to know that I know this was simply an accident, and I forgive you. I am not going to sue you or the hospital. I do not want to carry bitterness and anger with me the rest of my life, so please be assured that you are forgiven.”
Afterwards she realized that this nurse was from another unit, had never dealt with her before, and probably had not been informed that she had MS and that is why she could not stand on her own.
She said neither the nurses nor the rest of the hospital could believe it! Nearly everyone else in the world would have sued the hospital immediately and, really, would have had a perfect right to do so. But Rosita chose the higher road and is a better person because of it.
I think she taught us all a deeply important lesson about Forgiveness: It comes only from grace, and even though sometimes in our humanness, we feel justified in our anger (and we are!), we always have a choice. Not to forgive means we will harbor bitterness and anger and relive that event over and over again, allowing the pain to envelop us time and again, and we will be stuck in a place of darkness.
By making the positive choice, not only did Rosita help herself, but she also helped those staff people to understand TRULY what forgiveness is all about. Perhaps no one had ever forgiven them in their entire lives. And of course, she absolutely astounded the hospital, and I am sure they are still talking about it today.
The end of the story is that when Rosie finally did get to leave a few days later, almost the entire staff escorted her out, many of them sharing, with tears, the difference she had made in their lives. How very different that outcome might have been had she brought a lawsuit against them!
For me, this is the most concrete example of forgiveness in action I have ever witnessed, and I am a much more forgiving person myself because of Rosita’s precious example which she says she learned at times when she goofed and other people had the grace to forgive her.
Barbara Glanz, one of fewer than 550 Certified Speaking Professionals worldwide, works with organizations that want to improve morale, retention, and service and with people who want to rediscover the joy in their work and in their lives. Using her Master’s degree in Adult Learning, she has spoken on 7 continents and in all 50 states. She has authored eleven best-selling books, and she lives and breathes her personal motto, “Spreading Contagious Enthusiasm.” You can reach her at www.barbaraglanz.com, bglanz@barbaraglanz.com, or 941-312-9169.
